Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
