I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
wow bdsm is so cute
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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