Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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