wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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