is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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