oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
