Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
