I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
