The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you inspire me to be a worse person
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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