Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
