i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Panties = found
Randomize
