just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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