I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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