Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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