so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
