I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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