someone get that fucking seahorse.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i was born a porn star she said
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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