Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
