I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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