Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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