Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize