My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
