can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
