it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
