How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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