Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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