Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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