So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
