she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
of course. lets lasso hookers.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
