my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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