so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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