im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize