So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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