Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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