Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
