dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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