That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
