Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
