i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
