u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
