hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize