Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
