He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Send help, water and tortillas.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
