Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
