when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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