Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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