Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the condom got lost in my hair
where am i from again
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
