Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
