I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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