and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
