I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
