Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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