I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
