Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
