Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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