New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
