so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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