Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize