she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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