508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
