I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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