based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
