The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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