Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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