Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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