In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
