He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We need to feng shui this bitch.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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