she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
