god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Four minutes until I can fart!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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