I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
