ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
