she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish you could order shots online.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
