How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
