she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize