Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
