If i come over, it means nothing
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
