David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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